Ten Habits That Slow Down Your Growth
And what to do instead
Life is full of paradoxes, and navigating the polarities of existence can be daunting. Beyond the obvious norms, how do we distinguish right from wrong?
I originally created this list of guidelines for myself to make sense of it all, then later expanded it for others to read.
Feel free to disagree, but if something makes you uncomfortable, explore it further, it might be relevant to your life.
Here we go.
Oversharing.
You know these people, they’re always happy to share their whereabouts, plans, what they’re doing, and who they aspire to be.
Avoid telling others about your plans unless you have a good reason. Many people believe in accountability, telling the world or a confidant group everything they aim to do, thinking it will motivate them to take action.
It’s a trap.
This only gives you a false sense of achievement and limits your mental freedom to explore unexpected possibilities.
Be mysterious, and surprise others when you have something worth sharing.
Belittling yourself.
Many, including myself, tend to deflect compliments. We think we’re being humble, but in reality, we’re being disrespectful and dismissive of others’ feelings. This habit is also a charisma killer.
Accept compliments with appreciation.
Similarly, if you share a piece of work deliberately, don’t reframe it negatively. You don’t have to point out its shortcomings or excuse its flaws. This behavior conditions others to see your work as inferior or incomplete. Let them form their own opinions.
If you don’t feel comfortable sharing, wait until you’re ready.
Complaining.
Boy, I used to bitch and moan about anything and everything. Lord knows I’m trying to change.
Complaining is a tried-and-true people-repellent. When we complain, we shift our mindset to victim mode, giving power to external influences to dictate how we feel.
Take responsibility and reclaim your power.
Seeking approval.
Instead of seeking external validation, look inward. Prove your worth by doing things you care about. Then look back and track your progress. Impress your past self, not others.
Believing your negative self-talk.
Self-doubt is inevitable. Our brains are experts at talking us out of our most courageous ideas, trying to protect us. We may fear being ignored, misunderstood, criticized, or even hated for what we put out there.
But this kind of thinking can rob us of our freedom and self-expression. I say, grow a pair and do it anyway.
Apologizing unnecessarily.
If we apologize just to be polite, we weaken our spirits by taking ownership of an imaginary wrongdoing.
Apologize only when you’ve actually screwed up or hurt someone.
Taking things personally.
Last week, I got yelled at by a Chinese lady at the post office. (I mention her ethnicity because it’s highly unlikely for Japanese people to confront you in public.) She said I scared her when I accidentally dropped a big envelope on the floor. I was tempted to push back with might.
I’m glad I didn’t.
It was clear her anger wasn’t about me.
People have their butt hurting for a plethora of reasons. They may snap at you, make sweeping statements about ‘your’ people, or accidentally spill their drink on your precious outfit.
Walk away from the drama. Your silence is your strength.
Falling for someone else’s dreams.
Marketing tactics are highly effective. It’s easy to mistake someone else’s vision for our own.
A few months back, I applied for a writing course. I didn’t realize it was less about writing and more about encouraging participants to post daily on social media. It was designed to upsell another long-term program about online business and marketing. Good stuff, but not what I was looking for.
It was hard to resist their pitch. Before I knew it, selling my own online course about anything seemed viable. But it was just a mediated desire, a seemingly exciting opportunity that wasn’t sustainable for me. I almost got sidetracked by something I didn’t actually want.
Stay focused on your own goals and aspirations.
Arguing about things you’re not informed about.
Wars, social injustice, and chaos have always been a part of human history. You may think you know the answers and are ready to debate and influence public perception, but in reality, our knowledge is often limited by biased news reports and cultural conditioning.
I used to love conspiracy theories until I realized that without solid evidence, I was confusing deep feelings for facts.
Be prepared to demonstrate your opinion with clear logic that others can follow. If you can’t do that, zip it.
Believe whatever you want, but leave the rest of us alone. We don’t need more self-righteous people.
We need more psychedelics.
(I can’t prove this.)
Which leads to the last point:
Taking yourself too seriously.
You’re as important as the universe itself. Maybe everything is just a game. Nobody really knows what life is about, let alone can prove it.
Stay playful and curious.
Question your worldview. Don’t rob yourself of the possibility of becoming better and wiser.
Changing your mind isn’t a weakness, it’s a superpower.
We could easily add ten more points to be aware of.
I’d like to hear yours. What would you add to the list? Do you disagree with any of the above?
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